We Need More Juvenile Delinquents
An Evening With John Waters


I have to say that John Waters is a funny, brilliant and sick individual. He spent an hour regaling us with tales of Baltimore strippers, behind the scenes antics, the lifespan of "tea-bagging," and poignant social commentary.
He had some good advice on parenting and teaching as well. His suggestion for a child who is preoccupied with sex? Give them a book (it really exists) called Auto Erotic Fatalities. That should give you an idea of how the evening went.

We also learned that "Hairspray" the musical opens on Broadway in August and that a cartoon starring John Waters as himself is currently in the works.

Local Note: He will be showing some pieces at a local gallery June 1 - 29.

 
John Waters is speaking at Tulane at 8:00 tonight after a showing of "Cry Baby". Why they are showing this film, I'm not sure. I would think that Cecil B. Demented would be a better choice for sparking discussion with a filmmaker. Even some of his earlier films that are more cultish would be a better choice. I guess, though, that "Cry Baby" was the cheapest for the university to get a hold of.

 
Didn't sleep much last night. I got into bed at about 2. But then HBO had to be showing the Vagina Monologues. Didn't get to sleep till well after they were over. How can I turn off Eve Ensler demonstrating how to use a vagina puppet?

But to more pressing issues...

Somehow I have to stretch my last hundred bucks over the next week and a half. This may not seem like a daunting task, but this time it is.

Potential Money Consuming Activities For the Week

1. I still have books to buy for school and must do so this week becasue the bookstore is about to send them all back
2. I also have entire books that have been photocopied that I need to purchase before the test. And a Metro (Ghetto) Copy, they probably won't be cheap, much less the same price they charged anyone else in my class.
3. I must buy a voodoo doll and ship it to Canada. I can only procrastinate this task for so long.
4. I have overdue car insurance payments as well as credit card bills.
5. I have to be able to get myself back and forth from school and work. This means gasoline.

One of solutions to these peoblems is that I fulfill my coffee addiction at a place where I know everyone who works so that I can get my caramel macchiato's for free (Don't worry, they will be getting a big tip when I finally get a decent paycheck). The other is that I can just sacrifice even the thought of eating other than stealing food from the kitchen at work. I could stand to loose a few pounds.

Well, I am off to the bank. That wail you will hear in ten minutes is me at the ATM realizing I am more broke than I thought.

 
I actually saw most of the Grammy's tonight, which is surprising beacuse I probably haven't really watched an awards show in well over a year. I just got so fed up with pointless presenter banter and stupid tributes.

I must say that I'm not surprised by the outcome. Basically the night belonged to U2 and Alicia Keyes. There was one award that I was surprised and happy about. The Grammy for Best Rock Song went to Train for "Drops of Jupiter." I like everyone else, had gotten so tired of hearing this song on the radio. But tonight I saw them perform right before they won. The look on Pat Monahan, the lead singer's face, was one of pure ecstasy. He was just thrilled to be there doing what he was doing. He had finally made it and knew it. I realized that he really loved what he did. So I was thrilled to see him validated through not only the performance but also an award.

Th other issue I had with the evening is the Nsync performnace. I HATE the fact that Justin is so hot. I hate that I find a member of a boyband attractive.But goddamn he's flawless. Aaaarrrggghhh!

 
While I appreciate the compliment, I would assert that I am merely of a different style, not better.

 
More business woes in our amazingly unprogressive state. That's right, the amazing successful Jazzland amusement park has had to file fore bankruptcy. What a surprise. A park that no one visits and on the rare occasion that someone does half the rides are out of service is going bankrupt. We can't even manage to support a theme park, yet this city is expected to support an NBA team?

Seeing yet another reminder of how we are a business wasteland has made me think again that we need to change our focus on attracting businesses to this state. We need to actually be realistic in our goals.

We are often referred to as the northernmost banana republic. We need to embrace this title rather than shun it. One way to solve all our problems is to make ourselves the epicenter of the domestic sweatshop industry. Hold on now, let's think this through. Why go all the way to Thailand when we have a large, uneducated, unemployed workforce right here? The presence of sweatshops would greatly reduce the unemployment rate, for one. It is likely that cost of living would also go down (This means I would finally be able to find a cheap apartment uptown!). Not to mention, we would attract a large number of big corporations to do business in our state. They would get the added benefit of being able to say that their products are made in the USA. Politicians would still get all of their usual kickbacks, and companies wouldn't mind it so much because they are only paying their workers 10 cents a day. Corporations would still dump a great deal of money into the city because it would be a great place to entertain executives and potential clients.

So what are we waiting for?

 
Although I really hate those see which type of _______ you are, I sometimes feel like posting them to avoid having to come up with any real content. Though I still refuse to post one.

 
Today's class was interesting. we had a film screening today. The first film we watched was Shoes Now, if you were to visit this link, you might think the film was mildly decent. You'd be wrong. We spent an hour sitting through an entirely silent film. No music, no nothing. Just the whirr of the projector. Not to mention that the film had deteriorated so many of the images weren't viewable at all. None of this would have bothered me had I been able to figure out what the hell was going on. But alas, I don't read Dutch. That's right, we watched the original version of the film with the narrative text in it's original Dutch. Needless to say, all I got out of the film was a girl with a foot fetish.

This film was followed up with Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. It made for an interesting juxtaposition. All I have to say about this film is, "I want to be Jane Russel when I grow up." What are the chances of being trapped on a cruise ship with the entire U. S. mens olympic team?

 
Last night is still a little hazy. (How sad seeing as how its 7:00 pm the foloowing day). Basically the birthday celebration started off well enough at DBA, but then quickly degenerated as me moved to the Pub. Basically, everyone except Stacy and I were rolling. As a result we found ourselves taking over a bench on the balcony acting about as ghetto as possible. There we were, one from the Westbank, one from River Ridge, both sporting purses (I was holding Cassie's) and Budweisers, yelling and harassing the boys (and girls) down below on Bourbon St. outside the Oz (pronounced ooze), all the while acting horribly ghetto. If only we had brown paper bags to put around our beers, we would have fit the bill. Even scarier is the fact that after our exercise in ghetto fabulousness, we attempted to dance. Well, at least we can blame that on the alcohol.

 

So long, doc.

Chuck Jones
1912-2002

 
I didn't make it to "the Forum" last night. (They might want to work on changing the name of this event in the future. It sounds more like a potentially bad game show rather than a place for local queers to meet.) I opted instead to rent a movie and stay home with friends.

Tonight however is John's birthday and I am currently preparing to have big fun. This will likely result in a late afternoon post to the blog tomorrow about the events of tonight which are sure to be interesting.

 
I've been seeing these posters around campus all week for Forum. It is rumored to be a party at 735 so that Gay? Bi? and Curious? college students in the New Orleans are can meet each other. The posters on campus seemed more like bad phone sex ads than promotions for a get-together.

Today I fell into the Curious? category and actually went to the website. It seems like this could actually be a good thing. I just assumed that the party would be nothing more than a regular night at the Pub moved half a block down Bourbon street. It seems that the party organizers have good intentions. Maybe I will have to swing by at some point tonight.

 
I cannot seem to get rid of this cold that I have had for about a week now. It is getting to the point where the Claritin (a.k.a. wonder drug) is no longer providing me even temporary relief. I figure that the best solution would be to just remove my sinuses altogether.
If nothing else, it would give me another place to keep things like loose change and my keys. I would assume that if they were actually inside my face, I wouldn't lose them. Or maybe I could take Andrea Martin's cue in Hedwig and just get a cell phone surgically implanted in my head.

 
Guess what? I'm finally somewhat chic. That's right. Apparently, having been raised Catholic carries some cultural currency these days. And I thought that 12 years of Catholic school were all for naught.

 
I would just like to state for the record that I am a fan of experimental/underground theater. God knows I have been to enough shows that could hardly be considered mainstream. But this weekend I think I got my fill.

Friday night I went to see Midgets From Uranus and other Visitations. One of my friends was one of the other visitations. First, the show was held at Cowpokes, a local gay country-western bar. (I am fairly sure that is a contradiction in terms. Gay men abandoning all fashion sense to line dance in cowboy boots, overly starched jeans and horribly patterned shirts?). While I enjoyed my friends piece (for the third time, loyal aren't I?), the title performance left much to be desired. At first I felt that maybe I just wasn't getting it as I sat there with my mouth agape for the first five minutes of the show. But when I turned to look at my friends around me, they were having similar reactions. The show basically consisted of a man, painted green, sitting on a bucket swaddled in waaay to much shimmery gold fabric (it WAS a gay show). He was joined on stage by a older woman named Belle who was a pseudo lesbian wearing a dress that looked like a reject from the Petticoat Junction costume department -- on crack. She was an older retired widow with no friends who lived in New Jersey. The aliens landed in her yard, between her house and dead husband's macaroni factory. The aliens stole her genitals while she was asleep and then coerced her into returning with them to Uranus.

Basically it was fifteen minutes of Being John Malkovich meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers, with a little grade school humor (too many puns on the word Uranus) sprinkled in for good measure. I am not sure what the point or purpose of the show was. Maybe they felt that idf they had an interesting enough title and word of mouth was a little slow, that they could make enough money to put on a real production sometime in the future. Either way, I will just save my seven bucks so that I can buy this.

 
It seems that life has finally returned to normal. Everyone has returned home, the friend/crush issue seems to be settled for now, and I once again have hot, running water.

The plumbers came yesterday to finally install the new hot water heater. Thank god! I so needed it yesterday after hauling rotten food to the dumpster for an hour at work because our large cooler went out over the weekend. God I love the smell of rotten meat in the morning.

As a result of life returning to normal, so will the blog, hopefully. No more immensely self-analytical posts (for a while) and no more confusing soap-opera like vignettes (if possible).

 
Since I am skipping class because I am too gross for public consumption, I figured I might as well give a little update on life.

Basically, a bunch of friends came to town for Carnival. One friend in particular, I have had a crush on since last May when I met him while he was on a study abroad program in England. Problem: said crush hooked up with my best friend* the day I left England. However, my best friend and my crush broke soon after my friend returned home and found a boyfriend that lived in the United States. (the crush is from Canada).

Fast Forward and then rewind a little to this past Carnival. My friend had to work a lot and was dealing with other problems brewing at home. Consequently, I spent a lot of time with the crush. Probably too much time. While nothing happened between the two of us, it wasn't a good situation. My friend came in one morning and found the crush and myself sharing a little twin mattress. (Nothing happened; it's just the plight of putting sixteen people in a very small house). He was shocked to say the least, and I think a little jealous. To compound matters, for the last three days, I have spent all of my free time with the crush (everyone else had either gone home or had work/school). While in the last few days I have been much less flirtatious and really just gotten to really know the crush better, my friend saw it as him not getting to spend any time with his ex.

I really like the fact that I have gotten to know Dan(since that is the crush's Christian name) better as a person. In fact, this whole crush thing may pretty much be over. I think that there were lots of reasons (that I won't get into here) that I was projecting a lot of feelings/ideas onto Dan. I have talked to John about it and I think we are both doing much better now about the whole issue.



* Note: I really hate the term "best friend." It sounds so grade school. I really hate the idea of having friends in gradations. However, the term seemed appropriate for the story, so there.

 
I know I have been away for an entire week. The last of the former colonies members left today at 1:00. I am still sorting through this Carnival season. and promise that I will have a proper update in the next day or two. Suffice it to say, there was a lot of drama, both needed and uneeded. This year, though, unlike others, I managed to dive right into the middle of it all. Unlike other years when I was happy to remain on the periphery.

 

Brief, Sleep Deprived Carnival Update

I think that I have had a total of 17 hours of sleep since last Wednesday. I am really happy that I have friends in from out of town, but they have proved to be a financial, emotional and physical drain on me. Luckily, all 16 of them are staying at Caroline's house, so I get a few hours break most days.

Still, having to truck people to Bourbon street at 2 am gets taxing night after night. Especially when you don't leave until well after the sun has come up. There is nothing more shameful than looking beat down and walking out of the FQ when the only people out and about are shopkeepers hosing off the sidewalk.

I am glad that everyone came, though. For me, Carnival is a been there, done that sort of thing at this point in my life. But seeing 16 people so in awe and excited about Carnival actually made me giddy when we went to parades. Four of them start going home tomorow and the rest are leaving any time between then and next Monday. It was good to see everyone again, since it is not likely we will al be together any time real soon, seeing as how the two from Australia will spend years paying off this trip.

All in all, it has been a good Carnival season thus far. I am off to go see Galactic at Tipitina's and not sleep for at least 48 hours.

Post-Carnival reflections to follow

 
Things That Annoy Me: People who refer to the entire Carnival season as Mardi Gras. Even more annoying are the people who say Mardi Gras Day. How redundant. Do they know they are saying "Fat Tuesday Day"?

Maybe they are regular customers at Caffe Caffe Coffee Cafe (Yes this place really exists). Were they so worried people might not know what they were selling that it had to be named Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee?

 
I can't believe this. I think that I have crossed over into some parallel universe.

I am sitting here reading Capital by Karl Marx and I am not merely understanding it, but, in fact, enjoying it. Dear god, I must be more of a dork than I thought. It's almost 3 am and I am getting a kick out of Marx.

Please send help.

 

Odd Occurrences for Today

1. Had a professor refer to stalinism as wacky

2. Was forced to try a fellow employees kitchen creation -- grilled pickles with cheese (No Thanks)

3. Saw a man with one arm tragically try to sweep his sidewalk.

 
Why am I sitting here listening to "Just Like a Pill" by Pink? I don't even like this song.

 
How does it feel to use a urinal for the first time? TRULY AMAZING! It sort of felt wonderful, and naughty at the same time, if you know what I mean. Sort of like the first time I went skinny dipping at a nude beach.

When I stumbled upon this site (don't ask me how) I had to check and see that it wasn't a joke. But no, it is for real. I find it hard to believe that this is actually a tantamount concern in many women's lives. Then again, I may be revealing my inescapable male biased view on life.

Seriously though, it seems that potty training yourself again at the age of thirty five is a lot of unecesary work. And for what? To go from sitting on a nasty toilet to standing at an equally repulsive urinal? Or maybe you have the "poison ivy problem" the site refers to. Either way, it's to much effort for having to pee.

If anything, after looking at the diagrams and skimming the methods, it seems like some discovery that this woman accidentally made while engaged in a very private auto-erotic moment. Who'd have thought that masturbation would inadvertantly spawn a movement for "restroom equity?"